Time goes on

So, I'm still awake. My little girls are getting so big. Halle is freakin hilarious, and Kam Kam is gettin so big, Growing and growing. Scares me.

I can easily say this year has been the Best and Worst of my life, I Got a beautiful little girl this year but also have been seperated from Anne for while and we are testing the waters again to see if we are happy, Which is a good thing. Seems to be goin well. So my anxiety is extremely less than my last post, Counseling is a wonderful idea and is helpin me vent and get good feed back, helps me look at myself and others differently. Crazy i always said i would never go to see a therapist but turns out it actually helps. Who'd a thunk.

I get to go to Jackson's Hole Next weekend for some much needed R&R with Anne, We have never been away together without the girls so that will be good. Hard to leave the girls for that long but we do have loving family to watch after them.

Now that I have finally pulled my head outta my, well ya know, I'm much more optimistic of the future. I learned not to worry about what if's and I wonder. Although very hard to just move forward from now and just forget all that's in the past. I think that once you find yourself, whoever that may be you can only be happy at that point, No one can make you happy, You have to make yourself happy before anyone else can be happy around you. Make sense at all? Hope the best to everyone, Love my friends and Family. Let the cards Lay where they fall. Like that saying. Anyways rambling now. Well I'll talk to y'all later.

Finding a way to make it through.

"Never give up on love, you never know when you might get a second chance."

"The heart does heal and you will love like this again... only when you do, you will deny you ever felt like this before."

"It's hard to take chances but sometimes it's better if you do."

"Life is not about what I`ve done, what I should`ve done, what I could`ve done... it's about what I can do and what I will do."

"When clouds above you start to pour, and all of your doubts rain like a storm, and you don't know who you are anymore; let me help you find what you've been searching for."

"Within crisis, are the seeds of opportunity."

"You are the voice of your life - not your past, and not someone else's."

"Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up."

"Love can be heartbreaking but through these bad times you will grow."

"Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right."

"I know what it does to you, I know. Maybe that's why we hold on as hard as we do. We just can't believe that such a miracle can happen to us twice. But it can, someday you'll find it again."

"Never give up on something you can't go a day without thinking about!"

I just needed to get that out. Its easier to find whats goin on in my head from someone else's words. I feel love is only lost once hope and sacrifice is given up.

I have changed so much in my life in the past couple months, so much soul searching. Asking questions "Who am i really?" "Does God really teach us lessons and grow as human beings with the one we love just to Lose that person and have that someone else?" how is that fair. I dont wanna hear life isnt fair its just worth it. Things do happen for a reason and it makes us who we are. And for once in my life I can stand proud of who i have become. Now do i get to be happy?

Anyways if anyone reads this or not, is irrelivent. This is for me and to grow even further as a Human being.

09/27/09

I needed somewhere to write down my thoughts and where i could get advice from family and friends, So i'm going to start this blog that hopefully helps me through my Hell.